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"You really loved her, I can tell." It felt so good to be held by someone who had great affection for me, if not real love. It was comforting. "Sorry, it still stings, so unfair for her, for me, for everyone who knew her." I said I needed to stop this. I wanted to hear more about her life and talk about happier things. "No, you need to talk it out, that is part of the healing process, so talk, " she commanded. She was right, I had never really come to terms with my loss and blamed myself for moving back to Chicago. "If we had stayed in New England, she might still be alive," I said. "I wouldn't have been driving on the Dan Ryan and that awful accident would not have happened." I was sobbing uncontrollably, now. She was holding me tightly, kissing my head. "Let it all out, my sweet man, it's ok to cry." I was feeling so vulnerable, yet so relieved to be able to cry. I had not since the funeral. "Come with me, David," she said as she directed me to her bedroom. "Remember this room,". "Sorry I just.....I'm just so confused by all of this. Why me Laurie?Why me with all the guys....real red blooded guys with a Y chromosome whodrool over you and would give their left nut to be where I am right now? Why?" Chrissie choked the words seeping out so weakly that they barelyseemed to reach Laurie."Because you are more real than any one of those guys ever could hope tobe. Remember I have watched you closely. I have watched you grow. Iremember when you were a girl. I remember your brother when he was aguy. What I am seeing now are two people who are becoming what they wantto be. And I don't know how it started or why it started. I just knowwhat I see. I see a man who wants to be a man. Not someone who wants to'play' at being a guy," Laurie said looking directly into Chrissie'seyes.Chrissie was dumbstruck. It was like she was a statue standing inLaurie's bedroom. All that was lacking was the pigeon crap and what'smore she felt like pigeon crap. Did she really want.
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